Seeing this next passage in a fresh way today... perhaps because I feel 'weakened' but at the same time I am 'content' or perhaps I should say, 'at peace'...
"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV
We think of this thorn as a thing... maybe it was... perhaps it was Paul's eyesight but maybe it was just a 'diminished capacity' linked to 'weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities'
The 'Messenger of Satan' can also be seen as a 'premise for receiving an accusation against myself'. The imagery is right there embedded in the words.
Paul was an Apostle and maybe he did have a demon tormenting him but isn't this for us also?
Go read it again with this focus...
thorn = diminished capacity
Messenger of Satan = a premise for receiving an accusation against myself
I wanted to 'be there more for people' this week but I just couldn't. I couldn't physically or logistically. A bunch of things happened all at once... it didn't rain... it poured... Practical things prevented me and i was just plain weak. I couldn't move Heaven and Earth. Riches might have helped a little but not much. One person was in a different state and didn't have their phone and I just couldn't contact them. My hands were tied.
Because of how I am wired that was a thorn in my flesh and it could have become a 'premise for me to beat myself up'.
My posts over the last few days have been about prayer... I have been doing a lot of that lately... Prayers like, 'Help God! I don't want to strive or be passive. I just want to be moved by YOU. Help God... these people need YOU not me but I am here Lord. Use me. I know a lot of things but I can't be a know-it-all here. I plan to act but I also throw myself at your feet and plan to stay here for a while.'
Then I got locked out, limited, blocked and I could have said, 'That was the Devil preventing me' but was it? I did what I could and said a few things here and there and was transparent about why I was limited without using it as an excuse and guess what... GOD WAS STILL GOD without me!
I love people for the sake of Christ but I also have peace because of Him and i choose not to beat myself up because of Him. I pray and give myself over again and again because His blood bought me to set me free and that is why I willingly return. I cast my cares on Him. I give Him all my broken dreams also and my shattered expectations of what i 'wanted to do'... but couldn't. I ask about what is on my schedule and 'pre-plan' to walk in His power not my own but not passively either.
I used to mock believers thinking they needed a crutch to get through life... they needed a white haired bearded father figure in the sky... so they just made one up.
Little did i know how hard life would really be.
I am so glad I can say, 'Abba... Father' to God. In my weakness He SHOWS HIMSELF to be strong. I can just be me.
Old me would not have survived this week. He would have caused more problems than he solved and all the blame would go somewhere it shouldn't have gone.
--
No comments:
Post a Comment