I once asked a man how he became such a good listener and conversationalist and he said it was from years of confrontational evangelism. He had been rejected by hundreds of people and he had learned to be a good listener. He had abandoned formulas and learned to love the lovely and unlovely alike.
"Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect," - 1 Peter 3:13-15 ESV
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus," - Philippians 2:4-5 ESV
There is something about purposefully conversations where personal agendas are absent.
When you extend yourself in love you also learn how to listen. Introvert or extrovert it doesn't matter. Your world may be inside yourself or outside of yourself but in purity Christ becomes the focus and there is a way to be with people that is absent of anxiety or fear because God is supplying a peace that passes understanding.
I see people relate to each other based on sexuality and it is a sad substitute for intimacy. A false identity that is built on attraction is just a distraction. It is a mask for insecurity.
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." - Romans 12:9-11 ESV
When God is our King we are not seek to please people. God is already pleased with us because of Jesus. People are no longer objects or sources pleasure, prestige, provision or even comfort. God has met those needs in us. We know that whatever need we are experiencing in any given moment has a provision that is on it's way from God. Our souls are weaned and know that they will be fed in due season by the God who loves us.
Jesus could (and did) befriend fishermen, scholars, prostitutes and traitors alike. Mary Magdalene met a man she could not beguile who loved her in purity and had words from Heaven. Nicodemus came at night to talk to Jesus but concepts and theories weren't the basis of the conversation. Jesus loved Nicodemus and gave him an eternal perspective that could not come from any book.
Think about who makes you nervous. The idea of that person is exerting a power over you. If you pray for them and think in purity that power can be broken over time or in a moment because it is a false power feeding off of a personal agenda to be loved, wanted or powerful. When our souls are fending for themselves fear is always an underlying influence.
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man's gospel. For I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ." - Galatians 1:10-12 ESV
I post these things on social media but the bottom line is that I don't really care if you like what I have to say or not. I don't care much about if you like me or not either. I care about your soul. The message I have from day to day isn't my message. I hope to have strong relationships with all kinds of people... I'm just not going to compromise to get them.
We can go toe to toe and speak face to face with people who hate us. We are able to stand there loving them as we speak and listen. We don't have to harden our hearts like inmates in a tough prison block. It is a supernatural freedom that is only acquired in a faith relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ but anyone can have this freedom.
"So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free... So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." - John 8:31-32, 36 ESV